Dearest self of 5 years ago

Dearest self of 5 years ago,

It’s still me solely on the road & it seems solitude has become an inevitable fate.

I keep moving forth & back, right & left with no way out.

Solitude feels comfortable at times & desperate at many others.

I keep searching within eyes, souls & hearts..I keep searching here, there & everywhere. No one seems to understand. Not sure if it’s my language that is indecipherable, if it’s their own languages that I can’t comprehend or if it’s their hearts that don’t wanna listen.

I’m sure this is not new to you, but now, there are new battles piling up on top of these seemingly not-new-to-you events. 

Heaps of battles are piling up beyond my sanity, beyond my stability & beyond my strength.

There are no breaks between the piling & no transient sighs, no shores to reach in the middle & no safe place, no single home in a heart to reach out to & no comfort zone in eyes to look for…

It’s been a hell of a ride & a hell of a fight still walking solely on the road like when you, my dearest self of 5 years ago, have always been walking, but it’s getting tougher with new battles, new traumas & new rollercoasters.

It seems solitude has become an inevitable fate. It feels comfortable at times & desperate at many others.

by Mariam Aly I. Aly