Textbook References: Twitter and Tumblr, duh-doy
1. Let’s start with this snarky duck
2. Why did the mushroom go to the party?
B: Cause he’s a fungi!
A: Why didn’t he get in?
B: There wasn’t mushroom!
3. What’s the difference between a piano, a tuna and a pot of glue?
A: You can tuna piano, but you can’t piano a tuna.
B: What does glue have to do with this?
A: I knew you’d get stuck there
4. Did you hear about the English teacher who went to jail?
She got a full sentence.
5. And then there’s this chemical mess
6. A: So, oxygen went on a date with potassium today and it went OK
B: Oh my god, I thought oxygen was dating magnesium.
C: Actually, oxygen first asked nitrogen out but nitrogen was all like “NO”
D: I thought oxygen had that double bond with the hydrogen twins
E: Looks like someone’s a HO
7. What kind of fish is made of only two sodium atoms?
8. Roman Empire Nurse: Doctor!! This man needs an IV right away!!
Roman Empire Doctor: Four? Four of what? He needs four of what??
Patient: *dies with the biggest smile on his face*
9. RIP boiled water,
you will be mist.
10. How does NASA organize a space party?
11. Who was the roundest knight at King Arthur’s round table?
12. A: Oh, so you like metal? Name 3 blacksmiths.
B: Will, Jaden and Willow
13. Why did the scarecrow get a promotion?
He was outstanding in his field
14. Any salad can be a Caesar salad
if you stab it enough.
15. Which state is the loudest?
It’s funny because the last part in Illinois is silent
Silence is the loudest scream
16. Who ‘whipped’ up this artistic majesty
17. I love pressing F5.
It’s so refreshing
18. Did you hear about the Italian chef with a terminal illness?
19. A: If corals get stressed they die.
B: What do corals even get stressed about?
A: Current events
20. And last point for this class, how do French skeletons say “hello”?
21. So, let’s end this lecture with one last one, I promise, seriously