Boredom Busters,  Creative Content

If You’re Going to Shoot, Aim to Kill: A Metaphorical Guide to Ruining Toxic Friendships

1. Life Is A Masquerade Party, And You’re The Idiot Who Thought The Masks Were Real

Sometimes, people are just waiting for a reason to validate their feelings. But you already knew that, didn’t you? Underneath the elaborate confessions of care, the gentle gestures of kindness, and the bubbling laughter and shoulder bumps, you can see it. The way they look away when you smile, the few seconds of hesitation every time they’re about to say “Yes”, the carefully interlaced pretense in their words. They just needed one reason- no matter how trivial -to shed the masks. You can’t blame them. The burden of deceit tugs hard at their seams, threatening to undo.

No one ever remembers when the masks are peeled off. Or maybe they never existed. Maybe we merely became bored enough to bother and look past the shiny surface of decorum and exaggerated coat of closeness; became bored enough to peer into the cracks and take a look at the ugliness inside. Although, ugliness like that is never hidden. It already made its appearances during situations of anger and annoyance. It was always excused as mistakes –meaningless words.


But you’ll learn that there is no such thing as empty words. Even those made in jest, passed off as light remarks: those are the ones that dent.

2. Vampires Don’t Make Great Friends

Do you know that poem by Robert Frost about the diverging roads? Well, you’re standing at the fork of one. Do you continue this tedious game of pretense, claiming that this is nothing but an innocuous flu in your otherwise healthy friendship, or do you drive a wooden stake through its heart?


Consult your mother. She knows best.

3. Breakup With Your Good Memories.

I find it both funny and utterly horrifying how the qualities that you once valued the most in a person become the ones you abhor. Are we really that fickle? To be able to transform goodness into malevolence, smiles into sneers, memories into scars. That requires an immense amount of resentment, and I’m terrified that we contain it.

It’s near comical in its trivialness, and almost as stereotypical as a bad breakup.

But there’s nothing comical in bitterness, and nothing stereotypical in heartbreak. Because when you taste the sour remnants of a friendship you only feel consumed. Tired. Lonely.

Gather your courage and sheath your will. It’s going to hurt. Oh, it’s going to hurt badly.


But once you take that step back, once you start building that wall to keep the immigrant thoughts at bay, it might sting a little bit less.

4. Nostalgia Will Try To Convince You That Your Old Teddy Bear Is Better Than Your New One

The first time I’ve ever mourned something was when I forgot my teddy bear 1,986 km away in another continent. I tried for months to persuade my parents to buy him a flight ticket. One day, I finally spotted him sitting on the shelf of a random shop. He finally arrived!

Several years later, after I realized that what I’ve had all this time was a mere replacement, I had the opportunity to reunite with the real one. I was disappointed. I liked him better in my memories.

Nostalgia is a skillful fabricator; she’ll paint your memories gray and then present them to you in a coloring book, and ask you to fill it using your favorite hues. After you’re done she’ll strip it away, and throw the real, dreary version at your feet, cackling at your disappointment.


Some people are better off in gray. Your colors will lie.

5. Buy A New Dictionary.

Synonyms of friendship: companionship, bond, closeness, tie, familiarity.

Synonyms of friend: companion, supporter, confidant.


Too bad we’re antonyms now.

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